Christian's Beach Is Now Closed

Please visit The Seashore of Remembrance if you would like to place an order for an artwork.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

and this is how we spent your birthday...






























It was 3 minutes until midnight. As I sat outside I stared into the starry night sky. My heart was heavy as I remember at that very point 2 years before hand I was screaming and crying in pain while your Dad held my hand and the midwives tried to console me. In 2 hours and 8 minutes I would meet you for the first time. Oh how I wish it was not the last.

I stayed up late thinking that if I went to bed after your birthday had ticked over I would not feel so bad when I woke up in the morning. I sat outside and wondered "Where are you Christian?" hoping for a sign that you were with me. There was nothing but stillness. It was quite, almost silent, dark and even a little warm outside. All there was, were the twinkling stars that seemed to sparkle ever so bright.

I continued to wonder... Are you a little boy now? Or are you still a new born baby? Are you a young man? Are you older than your Dad and I or are you just a bright light with no real physical form? Do you play with other children that have left Earth too early, What do Angels look like? Do you have a best friend? What colours do you like? Do they have books in Heaven? Does Nana Lyn still carry a salt shaker around with her? Do you like the beach as much as Scarlett does? Do you hear my yearning for you?

I closed my eyes and held your pouch of stardust close to my heart. I listened. There was only silence. I tried not to cry that there was no answer from you, no answer from God, not even an Angel. As I stood up to go back inside a gust of wind surrounded me. With the wind I heard "Don't worry Mama, I'm everywhere" I exhaled with an enormous relief. I walked back inside and lit your strawberry candle. I worked on the computer for a little, I kissed your Dad on his cheek, held River for a few minutes while she slept and then hopped into bed with Scarlett.

When we woke in the morning, we were feeling as good as can be expected since we were not able to give you a big hug and a birthday day kiss. We turned on the computer and opened the first email that came through. Mel and Bill from Oregon had made us a video. It wasn't just any video but a video filled with the greatest love anyone could possibly give. As we read all the messages from friends and family around the world and admired all the images of candles lit for you. The tears spilled from our eyes. I haven't cried that much in such a long, long time. We felt so incredibly loved. I called Mel to thank her but it took a little while after she had answered for me to say anything at all. We dressed the girls in their brand new tutu's that were made with love by Adrienne in Colorado and I put on my Pearl earings for the first time.

The rest of the day was filled with cards, emails, phone calls, visitors, candles, cake, flowers, tears, laughter, hugs, a walk through the botanical gardens, photo's and of course your sunset at the beach.

Thank you Christian for opening our hearts.
Thank you for allowing us to feel real love.
Thank you for teaching us how to really give.
Thank you for inspiring us to help others.
Thank you for making our world alive.

We love you.

......... and one last thing .... Thank you for the dandelion.


"I will love the light for it shows me the way -
Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars."

11 Send Your Love Here:

E and K Rausch said...

What a sweet tribute to Christian.

Shannon Ryan said...

beautiful..

Laura said...

So beautiful!! My tears are with you Carly!

I noticed the car seat picture - please go to http://www.belletoni.org.au - If possible, please turn River back to rear-facing if you have seats in Australia that will rear-face her weight (in the US, our seats rear-face to 35lbs max - it is 500% safer than forward-facing). If not, please either get her into a 5 point harness seat or the Protecta-Harness with anti-submarine clip (for both girls) which can be used with a booster seat. Please, to keep your little girls safe, please do this. Let me know if you have any questions Carly! I want to know and have peace that the girls are safe in cars.

Carly said...

Laura,

River is sitting in a 5 point safety harness. The photo may just look like she isn't. We are unable to have her seat rear facing because she weighs 13 kilos. Apparently on the Belletoni site the limit here for rear facing is up to 12 kilos.

Thank you for your concern

x

AmandaHoyt said...

What a beautiful tribute to Christian.
My prayers are with you.
Hugs,
Amanda

Ya Chun said...

The girls were such cute little fairies for their brother.

Truly, Christian, you are missed.

birni said...

Beautiful writing Carly. I'm glad that you made it through another birthday without your beautiful boy.

xxx

Rach said...

Beautiful words Carly. Thinking of you and your darling Christian. xxx

Anonymous said...

Such beautiful words Carly...you've brought me to tears. Thinking of your little Angel Christian, you, Sam, Scarlett and River.
xxx

keelin, Gary and our little Angel Tadgh.

Monica H said...

Whata beautiful day spent honoring your sweet son.

My thoughts are with you, and your family as you are missing Christian. Happy Birthday sweet boy.

cyndi/mom/nana said...

Thank you for sharing your story about Christian. This site is very beautiful and a great tribute. I'm so sorry for you loss and appreciate your heartfelt thoughts. I hope he has met my granddaughter Olive Lucy.